A Nostalgic Camino Day for Me Today!

A LIFETIME OF PAIN WAS HEALED HERE AT THIS SPECIAL PLACE!

Sunday September 20, 2015

Today was a hard day, tough, and emotional day! In the end, I would say it was a good day. I walked 38 Km today. That is 58,775 Fitbit Steps!

Today I began to climb another mountain. This was the highest point of the Camino, higher than the Pyrenees. My 38 Km took me up, over, and half way down!

My body aches and my heart’s heavy from visiting the Cruz de Ferro! (The highest point on El Camino).

I passed some lovely towns today and the weather was perfect! Bright, hot, and very sunny!

The bright sunshine made a mess of my photos. Every time I stopped to take a photo, it was in direct sun! Oh well!

Cruz de Ferro:

This is a brief explanation of the history of Cruz de Ferro

In all of my readings about the Camino, I came to learn that the Cruz de Ferro is one of the most symbolic locations of the entire Camino. At this symbolic place stands a 5-meter-tall oak tree. At the base is a mini mountain of rocks and at the top is a huge iron cross.

The thousand-year-old pilgrims’ tradition had each hiker (pilgrim) place a rock or stone at the base of the Crus de Ferro. This tradition was carried forth in the Middle Ages by the Christian pilgrims. Today, placing a stone or artifact at the base symbolizes the pilgrim is releasing themself from a life burden. This artifact is carried with you from the very beginning to this point. Pilgrims have time to ponder their life burden before reaching this sacred place.

I brought photos of both my parents and pinned them to the pole (tree trunk). I wanted to honour their memory. My mom passed in 1973 and my dad passed in 2013.

I also posted photos of my family, siblings, nieces, and nephews, sister’s in- law, asking St. James to bless them all.

I said prayers for all whom I know that have lost a family member or are currently having a parent who is ill.

My family means everything to me. Let’s just say that I was NOT A ” model child”, but they have always supported me. It was VERY emotional to be there today. The many stones, photos, tributes etc. were more than touching! Playing Ave Maria and Hallelujah (K.D. Lang’s version) on my phone added to the emotion.

Behind the Extreme Emotions of Today and How My Soul was Touched.

I had carried the artifacts that I was going to lay at this cross in my backpack for weeks. I cherished them knowing I would lay them at a very special place, ask for blessings for my family, and hopefully put away a lifetime of crippling grief and feel guilt free to live my life!

I have talked a lot about how the death of my mother played really significant role in my life. It was devastating for me. I went to bed one night a happy child and I woke up the next morning in a living hell.

There were no books or theories on explaining death and dying to children so I just had to go through attending my mother’s funeral trying to sort out what happened with her sudden death. It really far too much for an 11-year-old. I knew immediately that my life was never going to be the same.

I remember the ambulance drivers covering her entirely with a blanket before they took her out of the house and at that moment, I felt this heavy weight upon my body that I didn’t understand. That weight was sometimes so present throughout my life that it always reminded me of that night. I have usually felt the heaviness and darkness of that weight at the saddest of times.

When I pinned the pictures of my parents on the pole of the Cruz de Ferró, and placed the other things I carried with me, I was excited and nervous! I went back on the grass and looked up at the cross above. I said a few prayers and then I just started to cry. I think I cried and sobbed for a few hours. The flood gates opened!

I remember reliving everything about how my mom passed and how I felt growing up as a child and just always wanting to have her with me. The grief just came and poured over me and I went through every major event in my life in my mind.

I even went through the recent time in my life when I did palliative care for my father. I was hoping and praying that it was special enough that he felt loved. This was the second saddest day of my life. I laughed to myself thinking – I was looking forward to coming to this cross? Did I not know how emotional this would be?

I will say this that after being exhausted from crying, I felt that weight covering my body ease and disappear. I needed to do this today, say what I said, and thought what I thought. I needed to break free from the mindset of a child who lost their mother and look at her passing from an adult perspective.

I needed to see all the blessings I’ve had in my life from the day I was born till this present day. I needed to understand that my mother was with me most of my life and everything I did in my life was because I wanted to make her proud of me. I realized today that all those actions just made me a better person. Of course, she was proud. I realized I carried my love for her with me at all times. I think for the first time in my life I had pride in myself and love for myself.

I’m giving you a very condensed version of what happened with me at the cross today but all I know is that when I got up my burden was finally gone. The burden I carried for 53 years was gone and life could begin again!

I will never forget this day and this special place!

Below are my photos for the day.